Disgusting
I got out of the shower tonight and looked at my body.
I am disgusting.
I am very sad because my dysfunctional immune system let’s psoriasis in.
I hate this.
Daily.
Tired.
And so to bed for this saddest of squonks . . .
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I had a feeling this is what it would be about for a couple of reasons.
a) It always gets worse in winter because you need to wear so many clothes and it can’t breathe the way it does ordinarily
b) Much of it is stress related, and it’s that time of the year that always stresses you out the most.
*sad sigh*
There is nothing I can say that will change your mind but I’ll say it anyway, and it’s the same things I always say.
You are not disgusting. You may feel that way, but you are not, I can assure you, and it saddens me greatly to hear you say it.
Those who love you don’t see you like that, regardless of what you think or say.
Please, please, please don’t be so hard on yourself?
What’s on the outside isn’t the person. It’s merely the vessel in which the real person is placed for this strange journey called life.
You’re well aware of my thoughts regarding the person inside what you see as disgusting, and well aware of the fact that we don’t see you as anything even close to disgusting.
I don’t pray a lot unless things are grim, but there are times such as these that I pray I could give you the comfort and solace you provide me with on so many occasions, but I know I can’t do that in relation to this.
Other things maybe, but not this.
I may not like admitting it, but it’s the truth.
I’ve lost count of the time you’ve said this to me…give it up…just give it up.
Realistically, what else can you do?
Yes, you can rant and rave at whatever it is that decided you were to be afflicted by this, but that’s not going to change the fact that you have it, is it?
You can keep beating yourself up and calling yourself names, but again that’s not going to change anything other than make you feel worse than you already do.
Maybe you could curse the things that hold you from finding a brilliant dermatologist who specialises in it, but that would mean bemoaning things like your family and your home, and I think we both know that’s not going to happen.
The most important people in your life love you for who you are, not how you look, and you freely admit you know that, so other than accept what you have and how you look, what are your options?
Give it up honey.
It’s all you can do.
I love you just the way you are, and so do at least 5 other people I know of, plus we both know there are more who feel the same way.
Maybe you need to start loving yourself a little too honey?